Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy

Hello my lovelies! I'm sorry it has been so so long. I hope you understand but sitting the leaving cert and life in general has made writing and finding free time very difficult. Luckily the stress of exams are all over now and I am so excited to get back into writing, creating and hopefully helping others as much as this outlet honestly helps me! Today's post is all about comparison; something of which people of all ages, ethnicities and genders sadly feel burdened by. Comparison is the thief of joy but how can we stop ourselves from destroying our happiness and inner peace of mind?

Here are my top tips on overcoming the comparison complex.

Your uniqueness is your magic.

The Big Picture

'Stop comparing your behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reels'. I woke up this morning and spent the first fifteen minutes scrolling through Instagram. Within seconds I found myself negatively comparing my body, face, personality, skin, clothes, hair and life in general to boomerangs of cocktails on the beach and perfect pictures of midnight summer swims. My life suddenly seemed so boring, dull and pointless compared to everyone else's! It took me a moment to remember that they are just snapshots, tiny glimpses into a full 24 hours of a person's life. When ever I find myself negatively comparing myself to photos and videos I see online I always think back to a memory I have of a party a few years ago. I remember so many people were there, the very people of whom I would spend my Saturday night's replaying their snapchat stories and wallowing over my perceived pathetic life; where everyone else would be having so much fun living the teenage dream yet there was little me wrapped up with envy and self-pity.  At this party I saw something happen that still replays in my mind over and over as proof that sometimes we don't always get to see the truth! I watched someone ask their friends to do something funny for a snapchat story while they then proceeded to sit back down in the corner editing and captioning it to look like they were having a good time. That person stayed in the corner for almost the whole night and didn't look like they were enjoying themselves, however the next morning when I scrolled through my stories and watched that exact clip, it appeared that they were having the time of their lives! Even I know I am guilty of this, we all are at times yet we still forget to apply that knowledge when we are viewing others. Sometimes what we see isn't always true or accurate. When we zoom out and adjust our focus we realise that sometimes our vision is skewed. We may be comparing ourselves to a false reality thus creating unrealistic and untrue standards of which we feel we must live up to. If we all try to readjust the focus, alter the brightness and zoom out to see a bigger, beautifully truer picture we may just be able to be ok and happy with who we are and what we have.

Keep On Keepin' On

Can't find yourself escaping the comparison trap? What if it's ok to compare but to instead use those comparisons to build us up instead of tear us down? I don't know if this will make sense to everyone and maybe it still is not the best thing to do but I believe it may help us to transcend from the darkness into the light. They're faster than you? Wow what a good motivator to work on your running times. They're unable to pay their rent? Perhaps you could use your superior living conditions to give to those in need! They're able to travel around Europe while you're at home? Why isn't that such an inspiration to save your money! You get the drift. Of course this technique can not and should not be applied to all situations. They're prettier than me, they're skinnier than me, they're lovelier than me...I'll just *something that is really bad for you* then I will finally be like them. I promise you it doesn't work, I've tried it and still sadly find myself doing unkind things to myself everyday in the hope that I'll finally feel enough. It doesn't work. It begins from within not from doing without. 

All Or Nothing

'If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back'. How many times have you found yourself saying 'I wish I could be them/I wish I had their life'? I absolutely and truly believe if you were suddenly now that person you would do anything to be yourself again. Often when we compare ourselves to others, we pick and choose what we want to contrast. We want her hair, his eyes, that person's skin, another person's fortune...the list goes on. We can't cherry pick what we desire from another. If you feel the need to compare yourself to someone, compare everything not just one tiny thing. Perhaps you believe that one person may be societally prettier than you, but are they you? Are they as kind as you? Do they have a family? Can they be completely engulfed by their passions? Are they happy? There will always be someone who is better while simultaneously worse than you when considering all aspects. We are all just doing our best towards creating a happy, loving, fulfilling life. We are all one, neither less than nor above another.

Create V Compete

'You are obligated to understand that you are unique in the world. There has never been anyone like you because, of there were, there would be no need for you to exist. You are an utterly new thing in creation. Your life goal is to realize this uniqueness.' Each human is so unique, different, valuable and undoubtedly impossible to truly compare and contrast. It can be hard for us to really believe this. When we adjust our efforts towards creating instead of comparing, we can recognise that it is very hard to compare anything we ourselves uniquely create. I really love this blog as it is my own. I love writing, photographing and editing this to create a work that is a perfectly uniquely mine. It is perhaps the one thing in my life that I don't use to measure my worth against others as it my creation and expression. Every word, photo and idea is unique to me therefor I have never found or felt the desire to compare it with anyone or anything else simply because there is nothing to compare it to. What is uniquely yours, your purpose, your creation? Perhaps you like to cook your own meals, maybe you like to sing your own songs or possibly you may even paint your own sunsets. There are so many creations just waiting for you to conceive and craft. (I would highly recommend reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert if you are embarking on your creative journey). Through kindling the creative imaginative sparks in your heart, you may just grow to love and accept the beautiful, unique creation that you are.

Self Love

Is it really a peachy blogpost without mentioning self love?! Perhaps its lack is becoming the biggest heartache in our world today. I feel like a fraud when I write about self love and self acceptance. I truly believe that it is the way forward towards ending all pain and suffering yet I personally find it the hardest most difficult thing to comprehend and embrace. If we truly love and accept of ourselves, how could we ever possibly hurt ourselves and wish to be in another body or life? (I have written an in-depth post about self love here). Repeat after me, 'I am worthy. I am beautiful. I am whole. I am loveable. I am enough'. I hope you believe those words to be true for you because they are. You are not worthy of comparison, only true love, happiness and abundance!

Are you a victim of comparison? What do you do to realise your innate value and worth? Feel free to let me know in the comments below or anonymously in the ASK section of my blog (it makes my day getting such kind lovely messages from you, it means the world that these posts are helping people). I hope this post helps you to escape the comparison trap and realise that there was never anything to compare in the beginning!  

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I hope you enjoyed!

lots of love & peace & happiness


Lauren x

My Friend Ana

Ninety three. A sliver of silver moonlight slices across my bathroom tiles contrasting with the neon flashing digits beneath my toes. I look out out of my window to see the pale stars glistening like tiny holes in the floor of heaven, the moon a golden reflection of the hidden sun. The beauty lasts only momentarily when Ana suddenly interrupts, ‘Get going Lauren, you’re wasting precious time’. My numb blue feet make their usual dance across the cold wet tiles.

lots of love & peace & happiness



Lauren x

With Yourself

Hello my lovelies! I'm sorry it has been so so long. I hope you understand but the leaving cert and life in general has made writing so difficult. I am so so excited for summer to be able to create and share so many new ideas with you all. The season of love is here and whether you celebrated it by yourself or with your bae, I hope you had a truly lovely Valentine's Day! The past few days got me thinking about love and how we struggle to give it to ourselves. The journey to loving oneself is different for everyone, some have arrived at the self obsessed stage while others, including myself, are still crawling towards self toleration, heheh we'll get there! Here are some ways which I have found help me treat myself with a little more kindness and care. I hope they help you too, you deserve it.

'You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.' 

Think Love

'What we think, we become'. Our thoughts can have such a profound impact on how we view ourselves and how we feel internally. It is hard to believe that we have complete and absolute control over every single one of the 60,000 thoughts that enter our heads each day. You can choose to think harmful, degrading, critical thoughts or you can choose to think uplifting, inspiring, compassionate thoughts. Our thoughts create our reality therefor wouldn't we all continuously choose to think love rather than hate? Having absolute power over what plays through your mind is really really hard, even mindfulness masters like Eckart Tolle and the Dalai Lama still confront their mind's monsters. There are various ways in which we can help our minds to think more lovelier thoughts. Mindfulness plays such a vital role in helping us to silently observe our thoughts rather than directly engage with them. A method which is a little less mentally demanding is positive affirmations. I must admit I did feel slightly crazy when I started to do this but deciding to include self-love affirmations into my morning routine has had such a positive impact on my journey towards self acceptance. I listen to this and this while doing my yoga or while getting ready for the day ahead and while it is a little different it honestly makes such a lovely difference! Regular practice of positive affirmations has been proven to subconsciously program our minds in the directions of which we choose...so if you want to become a millionaire watch this hehe. Other ways you can help train your brain to cherish instead of chide yourself is through reading uplifting loving quotes, listening to positive self love inducing music and through proclaiming something you love about yourself each and every day!

Practice Love

Let your actions speak your words. Try treating yourself like you would a little child. The voices of 'you don't deserve this' may get louder as you do this but a wise woman once told me to just do, despite all of the niggling feelings of 'not enough', 'not worthy', just do...and let the mind catch up later! Maybe it won't ever catch up but at least you may get a relaxing bath or bunch of flowers out of it hehe! Aside from the basics of treating your body with nourishing food and water, energising it with movement and relaxing it with rest and sleep, you also deserve to treat yourself. Devote time to you, celebrate your existence and how far you have come. You've survived every single day up until this very moment and that is something to be happy about. I wrote more about this in my previous post. Perhaps you could carry out an audit of what lowers your ability to love yourself. Personally, I could spend hours scrolling through Instagram and Facebook, comparing and despairing, it turns the love self love down so low that all that is left is the booming thoughts of self hate. Clear out your social media closet; unfollow, unsubscribe and delete anything and anyone who makes you feel even the slightest bit bad about yourself. Of course this isn't easy, being unfollowed by a friend on social media these days is the equivalent of being punched in the tummy. However, I know I would cry at the thought of anyone negatively comparing themselves to me, therefor you have to weigh up the consequences of hurting someones feelings for a few moments or continuously infinitely hurting your own. Ask your true self, 'what do I want right now and what do I need right now?'. What you may want to do is sit around and watch Netflix which will give you short term satisfaction but a long term sense of self disgust, however, what you may need to do is go for a shower, read a book and catch up with a friend. Practice makes perfect, the more you do the love the more you'll feel the love.

Feel Love 

I really believe that we can only know true love if we have the beauty of being able to experience it. Connect with those who you love and of whom love you. I realised my ability to tolerate myself increases dramatically when I am sharing moments and creating memories with those I love the most. Spend time with the people who make you feel safe, secure, worthy, loved and perfectly imperfect as you perfectly are. The more you see the good in others, the more you will establish the good in yourself. In the process of showing your affection for others and through watching them marvel over you, you may just learn how to send a little bit of it towards yourself. For the days when physically connecting isn't feasible; send a text, make a call or if you're old fashioned print off some pictures with your favourite people and most memorable times together (I do this in my diary and it never fails to make the love bugs come crawling)! 

See Love 

'If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person'. Something that my beautiful sister always tells me is to 'focus on the facts'. It can be easy to become swept away by the torment of the paranoid fear monsters in our minds...they focus on our negatives, highlight  our flaws and magnify our weaknesses. But what if we could transform that fear into love by amplifying our strengths, emphasising our good qualities and enhancing our stunning unique traits? Become your own biggest fan, the Kanye to your very own Kanye! See all of your beauty and remind yourself that you are a good person. Every time you recognise something seemingly bad within yourself counteract it with three good true things. Next time a really horrible self critical thought comes into your head, instead of immediately assuming it as truth, try and question the thought. Ask it on what facts it is basing its information on, try and wonder if it is stemming from fear and irrationality or reality and truth. Every time you look in the mirror and are drawn to your thighs or your hips or your wrists, (who knows..we all have the most ridiculous of insecurities heheh), try drawing your eyes to your pretty little freckles, your strong capable hands, your glistening magical eyes. You are beautiful and worthy inside and out, it's time you get to see it.

Be Love 

'The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be. I have to be love.'

love you

How do you cultivate self love? Feel free to let me know in the comments below or anonymously in the ASK section of my blog (it makes my day getting such kind lovely messages from you, it means the world that these posts are helping people). I hope this post helps you fall in love with the most important person in this world, YOU!  Click here to subscribe to my newsletter for updates on new blog posts. I hope you enjoyed!

lots of love & peace & happiness


Lauren x

The Recipe For Happiness

'When navigating wellness, wholeness, fullness, and vitality, it really all equates to simple and ongoing nourishment, and nourishment is essentially the quickest route to a greater understanding of ourselves, which leads to greater understanding of all other things.'

happiness is...

Carbohydrates

Perhaps the most overlooked element to every being, it's only when we are lacking in the pastas and potatoes of life do we realise just how vital they are to our existence. These are the building blocks that provide the essential foundation on which our happiness can be built; the basics we need for human survival. Do you have a comfortable and safe living space? Are you sleeping properly? Have you fed and watered yourself well today? Do you have access to clean, fresh air? Are you clean, rested and maintaining good hygiene? Hopefully you are already satisfying these basic needs or maybe there's a little something that needs working on. Perhaps the reason you always seem to feel irritable and down until lunch time is because you stayed up until 4am watching Netflix (we're all guilty heheh). How can we expect our selves to reach the peak of prosperity if we aren't even fully awake to do so? Start with the basics and the rest will slowly fall into place.

Protein

It fills us up and helps us grow, makes us stronger and helps to protect us from pain; it is essential to our existence. This is the love, the friendship, the common bonds, the laughter, the shared connection, the smiles. The longing for affection, acceptance and a sense of belonging have been scientifically proven as an intrinsic part of survival for every mammal on this earth; even that little bird outside your window is craving a cute companion to glide the skies with. A person whom you can share your highest of highs and lowest of lows, reveal your deepest thoughts, share the most magical experiences and create the most beautiful memories with. We all need someone; a love, a friend, a neighbour or maybe even a cat heheh. As strong as you feel and as complete as you may be, we all need to be able to give, receive and share love.

Fruit and Veggies

'The idea is to live your life in a way that makes you feel lit up. Alive. Full fledged. Beautiful. Know and find what nourishes you inside out, bones to skin and then build your world from that alone. All else is not part of your revolution. Or your ultimate evolution'. They nourish our soul, kindle our spirit and alight our senses. These are the things which truly set our hearts alight. Painting, reading, singing, gardening, gaming, skipping, Netflix-ing...anything can be your passion if it helps to fulfil your purpose. Maybe you are still exploring the elements and discovering the perfect combination of vitamins and minerals which will enable you to flourish. There is something out there for everyone, keep trying new things! If you are aware of what makes you feel good, it is important to love and respect yourself enough to carve out time in your life for this passion. After all, if you want to give light to others you have to be able to glow first.

Sugar and Spice

'I don’t think existence wants you to be serious. I have not seen a serious tree. I have not seen a serious bird. I have not seen a serious sunrise. I have not seen a serious starry night. It seems they are all laughing in their own ways, dancing in their own ways. We may not understand it, but there is a subtle feeling that the whole existence is a celebration.' Spice up your life! I'm still learning that all work and no play leads to a life of which one may be content with, but, personally I find a little bit bland. Sometimes you need a daring wonder and a magical wander to cleanse the taste of normality from your buds. Party with your friends on a Monday night, take a spontaneous midnight adventure to the beach, travel to Iceland and view the northern lights, surprise your friend with her favourite flowers, tell someone you love them, do something fun to sweeten your spirit. 

Water...or Wine

The very one thing our bodies are incomplete without, the essence of our being whether you have nothing or everything; hope. Writing this reminded me of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where at the very top lies the final but forever unattainable need, the one of which we will never fully reach but keeps pushing us further towards greater heights of bliss; self actualisation. The drive to chase your goals and fulfil your dreams. The will to explore your tastes and unravel your mind. The innate belief that you can change, grow, evolve, wonder. 

'When we nourish ourselves with good people, projects, surroundings, scenery, love, magic, beauty and self-care, we radiate light into the world and continually sharpen our vision, perception, and clarity all at once. This in turn spreads to other beings which then spreads to more. Remember that one tiny drop can raise an ocean. Keep wanting. Desiring. Doing. Breathing in the sweet things.'

What nourishes your soul? What do you need to fill your belly and satiate your heart? Feel free to let me know in the comments below or anonymously in the ASK section of my blog (it makes my day getting such kind lovely messages from you, it means the world that these posts are helping people). I hope this post gave you a deeper understanding on the role you can play in creating and cultivating the happiest and most successful version of you.  Click here to subscribe to my newsletter for updates on new blog posts. I hope you enjoyed!

lots of love & peace & happiness


Lauren x