The Heart Whispers

I've been thinking a lot lately and I've been feeling very very scared. Scared of where I am, where I'm going and where I may end up. Change, a trip away, sudden surprises and the re-ignition of mental flames we perhaps thought we had once quenched, can cause us to really reevaluate and question everything. 

I find myself in a gushing stream, no control over the ravaging current while being dragged along with the flow, but, it isn't that bad, it's grand, it's ok...I say to myself. 

Suddenly yet inevitably I hit a whirlpool and in the midst of drowning I breathlessly scream, 'how did I get here?', 'why didn't I do something about this earlier when deep down I knew it wasn't alright?', 'how did I allow this to happen?!'. But then the wind changes, the current calms, the tide turns and I can paddle away from the pain.

However, the whirling water haunts me and its memories reveal nature's previous warning signs of which I ignored; believing that being dragged downstream is a quality existence, that a life dulled by fear and pain is ok because at least I'm not drowning; I'm just about breathing, head above water, somehow floating and perhaps that's all I'll ever deserve...I've learned to accept that perhaps, that is ok.

Such whirlpools shock me into questioning my beliefs and into recognising self-denial until the waves and whirls of memory begin to dissipate and I become accustomed to the terrifying currents once again, regaining the thoughts of 'at least long last, I am getting to experience the sea'. 

Such recent events however, I am trying not to simply swim through. In a way, I want to dissect and hold onto this pain because these feelings are the only times I feel scared enough to not only grab a life buoy but to hopefully get out of the gosh dam water!

The whirlpool I am talking about was a recent trip away with my family. It was magical yet at times I felt so miserable. I don't know how to describe these feelings other than through metaphor. I felt trapped behind a glass bubble, physically there and present, yet, like so very often, never able to fully reach through. On this trip I realised just how much this illness consumes my every moment. The lights were on but there was very much no one upstairs heheh. 

Take Off Your Mask

Who are you? Who are you really? Who is behind your mask…or perhaps, one should wonder, what is it that you are hiding?

We all wear masks, it’s part of human nature now to evolve, change and morph our personalities, characteristics and values to adapt to our surroundings. Being our constant true selves just wouldn’t do in today’s world. Would it be ok to laugh and giggle at a funeral or to stand up and scream in a full class room? I mean, that doesn’t stop everyone but you get my drift hehe. As emotional sentient beings, it is part of our nature to regulate our emotions, transform our thoughts and shape our wording, behaviour and expressions to suit certain situations and to fit into ideal societal expected norms; it is innately within us to wear a mask. We have learnt through exposure and been taught this since we began to express ourselves as young children, ‘you shouldn’t say that’, ‘you must be polite’, ‘if this happens then you must say/do/be this’. Masks are normal, needed and natural; without them there would probably be a lot more controversy, aggression and discomfort in our society (imagine if you told that person how you really really felt about them instead of politely nodding and smiling). Masks can also give us hope, strength and courage. We may feel terrified and nervous to speak to a large group of people, but that’s ok; we can simply place our mask of courage on, we can protect ourselves and we can simply pretend. 'Fake it till you make it', can sometimes be the most empowering freeing piece of advice one could ever receive. It removes the pressure on us to be and instead allows us to simply try, while knowing that we can fall back to our true natural selves if faced with failure.

'Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.'

But what happens when you begin to wear your mask too often? What happens when you forget to take it off, or even worse, become fearful of removing it? What happens when the mask seeps into your skin and traps your true form within? What happens when the mask you so carefully designed to protect you, ends up becoming the very alternative; the mask that destroys you.  

We all wear masks, and, depending on who you are, your charades may be fruitful, efficient, effective, beneficial and appropriate. Other’s costumes however, become so engraved deep within their skin that it feels almost impossible to take it off, perhaps except only to the select few. 

Just like everyone else, I wear masks. I try my best to connect, react and express myself appropriately according to various situations. However, a long time ago I developed a mask; a mask that no matter how hard I claw or pull at still, remains stuck. Maybe I just have a really sticky face hehe. This mask is called the brave face. We all apply this façade at times..imagine just how well it would go down if you were the one bawling crying at the site of a spider while baby sitting toddlers lol! Sometimes we have to be a big girl/boy, we have to toughen up and pretend everything is all ok. Something within me however, and many many others who most definitely struggle with this, took this desire and need to please, protect and not burden others, to the extreme. Thus we began to wear the mask more often, even in situations when wearing it may not have been very helpful to us. ‘Are you ok?’, someone asks as you walk out of the bathroom stall with red eyes and running mascara..'yes perfect just got something in my eye lol, how are you, are you ok, tell me your problems, how can I help you, let me be of service to you!’. 

Perhaps you may be questioning, so what, what’s so bad about putting on a brave face?! Isn’t it good not to burden others? Isn’t it good to be strong? Isn’t it good to learn how to cope by yourself? And I agree wholeheartedly; yes yes yes…until the last one, what if you do not know how to cope alone? 

When a brave face becomes so entrenched, the often terrified and scared soul behind the mask becomes less and less heard. You can scream and cry and shout and punch but the brave face grows very strong; it can mute you, dissolve you, constrain you and pull the true you so far from the reach and grasp of others that it becomes impossible for anybody to ever recognise that deep down, there is a scared, sad and solemn soul within. 

Such courageous masks can be deceptive, manipulative and hurtful. When I was thirteen years old and a demon called anorexia began to seep into my mind, the brave face, in correlation, grew stronger. At the age of sixteen, when the mask ever so slightly tore and a completely unprecedented world of pain began to seep out of the cracks pouring onto those I love, how was anyone to know that that darkness was there, hiding, all along? A while later, in my first inpatient hospital admission for the illness, my brave face fully healed, restored and repaired; it was stronger than ever. This strong steel armour fooled even the most expert of psychiatrists, doctors and nurses. I was still in the grips of a monster but the brave face helped the anorexia to trick them all that I was well enough to be discharged, only to be sicker than ever and readmitted a few months later (read my Lessons From My Mental Hospital here).

I think something which makes brave faces even scarier is that they are self-instilling, it becomes a vicious self-enforcing cycle. When you are locked behind a mask and screaming for help, you get tired, lonely and maybe even resentful. Such experiences create further beliefs that you are uncared for and unworthy, thus, you begin to believe that you should just stop screaming out because nobody really cares to listen to you anyway.  I am so guilty of getting so upset and frustrated internally upon receiving feedback or compliments on how much ‘happier’ or ‘healthier’ or ‘great’ I seem..sometimes I just want to scream ‘I am in so much pain, how can’t you see!’ but instead I smile and say thank you, further enabling the masks cyclical cynical nature. 

Wearing a brave face is tiring but I have also noticed that it can actually start to become your true self, proving that ‘fake it till you make it’ may indeed be possible and oh so empowering. However, acknowledging that you may actually be a little bit happier, that you have grown into your new skin or that *biggest fear of all* your inner demons may have a slightly smaller grip on you, sometimes, scares us even more than the pain we hid for so long. The creation of a new agony for its own sheer absence. Perhaps one of the most piercing paradoxes of pain is its longing to go yet its longing to never ever leave you. I think especially in eating disorder recovery, any compliment or comment which could in anyway be interpreted as journeying further down the recovery path, equates to fat, disgusting, ugly, obese, wobbly...you name it. Someone recently told me that my finger nails were nice and I cried because I believed it meant I was fat; because skeletal people can’t have nice finger nails and that’s what the anorexia wants, to be a walking rotting ghost. I think it is terrifying for anyone with any pain to truly let go. How do you embrace softness, how do you embrace light, how do you embrace a beautiful new reflection which no longer longs for a mask of pretence?

Maybe it is in the very act of shining a light on the darkness that the self-enforcing cycle can begin to dissolve and we can reveal both the shadows and sparkles within us to all around. Take off your mask, allow yourself to be seen, throughout all aspects of your unveiling. Perhaps you are cloaked in a heavy constraining armour, full of hidden secrets, emotions and thoughts or maybe your pages have already began to turn and you’re becoming a more open book. Wherever you are in your journey, it’s ok. There’s no judgement, only awe, in witnessing your vulnerability. 

'To share your darkness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.'

I don’t want people to look at me and think that a life can always be rosy. Someone I love recently told me that ‘I’m full of sh*t’. It hurt and upset me but their belief that it’s time I stop pretending my world is a conglomerate of inspiring quotes, yoga classes, perfect grades, beautiful sunsets and exciting parties, consumed me as, if that’s what others perceive and believe, then, I am a liar. And so, in vulnerability, I take the leap into the light and unveil my hidden shadows to you. For only in shining a torch on our pain can it ever begin to dissolve. I don’t feel too good. The first few months of college were magical; so new, exciting and exhilarating that it took me away from even thinking about or addressing my underlying issues within. By Christmas it truly hit me just how stuck I was and am. Anorexia is still at the core of my life (read my story here). I promised myself once the leaving cert was over that I would do everything and anything to begin the journey of full recovery; that I would gain a kinder self view, that I would reach a healthy weight and most importantly that I would begin the lifelong odyssey towards reaching a healthy mind. It’s been almost two years since my last hospital admission and here I am; the exact same confused and consumed girl. It’s amazing, I can attend college, I can go on holidays, I can go out with friends, I can live out of home and perhaps that’s the part of the mask which you see of which has become easier to embrace and the part of the illness which has been hard to let go. But, what is not seen is that I can't nor have never eaten in front of anyone in college (except an apple once and it was so hard), that I can’t socialise because instead I must exercise, that I turn down countless invitations because everyone else will be eating, that I walk down the streets with my head down for fear I'll catch a glimpse of my body in a shop window, that I have to bring a bag full of my safe food when travelling abroad, that I ruin so many precious and ‘should be magic’ family moments because I am crying over how much I hate myself. What about life? What about living? I went from barely alive to now being able to survive. But is that it? Is this life; this heavily biased (im)balance between life and death? When at times the ocean of my mind becomes very quiet and still, when the thoughts of self hatred and loathing settle to the bottom, a question from a foreign wave of self compassion floats to the top; is this what I deserve? Do I deserve to someday perhaps thrive and not just survive? I know what I would say if you reading this came with such a query, it's just often so hard to apply such kindness and understanding to ourselves. Along with struggling to fight this illness, these thoughts have me in a further absolute muddle over the past few months. I'm so scared. Every word I type I can almost hear my thoughts screaming in unison..'people are going to laugh at you, you're way too fat for anyone to ever think you're struggling', 'how dare you even question if you deserve a better life, you're not even worthy enough for a life, full stop', 'you're not in pain, you're just weak, stupid, selfish, lazy and an attention seeker', 'people have it so much worse off and here you are, horrible ugly little miss piggy actually considering that what all the professionals, family members, friends and strangers say is true..that you may actually be ill, with a self view in both body and mind completely warped...the cheek of you, go run outside and burn that thigh jiggle and maybe then we'll consider this whole life thing'.  

I was going to delete that, it's extremely personal and usually something only my diary ever sees but that is what currently lies behind my mask. These are my shadows and perhaps this act of expression may be the beginning of their rebirth into stars. My biggest biggest fear is that you reading this may think I am selfish and ignorant; crying out for attention, pity or love and I hope and pray with every ounce of me that that is not how this comes across. I am soooo deeply aware that my suffering is so minute and inadequate to the torment and agony that is cast upon others and for that I am so forever grateful, yet, I am also aware that such a thought alone holds me, and I can only presume many others, back from dropping our masks in the first place. Your pain is valid, but that does not mean that it's welcome in your life. I truly hope that in sharing my darkness, you may gain the courage and strength to allow the gleaming rays of love, compassion and empathy to fall upon yours. In courage there is strength, we gain power over our pain.

There is one very important question I want you to ask yourself right now, 'what lies behind my mask?'. Maybe you don't think you are wearing one or perhaps you are scared to peak beneath, but, I promise you, that only in confronting the night of our soul can we reach the boundless, unconditional, shining rise of the day. 

Furthermore, I ask you to take the next step and to share your findings. Talk, scream, call, text, write, dance, sing it out. I would absolutely love if you could comment your finding below, even anonymously if you so choose. Express, reveal, unveil and watch how much lighter you will become. You are so brave. I am so proud of you.

'What happens when people open their hearts?'

'They get better.'

I hope you enjoyed!

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lots of love & peace & happiness

12 Life Lessons From 2018

Happy new year beautiful! It's been a while..I have felt a little uninspired, stressed and drained lately when it came to writing and so I decided to take a break for a little bit. I'm trying to treat this blog as a creative outlet or hobby, however recently it had been turning into a chore of which I had to tend to. I'm truly sorry if I have let anyone down but I love and care for this too much for it to turn into something that doesn't contain my true heart, soul and energy. 

The beginning of a new cycle around the sun often compels us to reflect on the days of the year that just so fleetingly went by. Like last year, I found myself questioning if we had known what destiny had planned out for us in 2018, would we have squealed in joy or shuddered in fear as the clock stroke twelve on the final eve. Would we tread carefully as the year began to pass or recklessly throw caution to the wind in the security of knowing that nothing could be done to alter our chosen path? However, embracing 2018 in blissful oblivion enabled me to learn, experience and grow in ways that pre-instilled knowledge could have ever taught me. Albeit, if I could hold past Lauren's hand and softly surrender secret suggestions, this is what I would tell her. (Also included are my favourite moments that were captured from each month).

January

I know you can feel you are losing yourself and I know you are pretending not to worry but it's ok that you're so scared. You can see what is happening but your desire for outside validation and approval is outweighing your own ability to gain self acceptance. You are too blinded by pleasing and such foreign, amazing yet daunting future memories that the unwilling shift occurring is going unnoticed within your own heart. Please don't change for anyone else. Of course you need to figure out who you are but please listen to your scared and screaming heart, it's most likely trying to tell you something. Evolution is necessary, we must all transform and metamorphose, however, make sure that these changes are what you want and need and are not uncomfortably out of your control. Let go, but please, at your own pace and time. You may have to hold or even hide your beaming light within, do whatever it takes, anything to avoid your sparkle being fully dulled.

Reminiscing in January.

February

You are loved. Let the right people show it to you and give it to you. Stop rejecting care and affection. Stop wondering if you really deserve kindness or if it's all fake. Maybe, just maybe, believe in what others think, say and do for once. You are so lucky. You have the most amazing people in your life. I promise this isn't a lie, these people don't secretly hate you. And no, you're not a fraud. You're not an imposter of whom's 'innate badness' is hidden from those surrounding. You're fragile and small and all too full of self hatred to even allow the possibility of love in. These people see the true you and they love her exactly for who she is. Focus on those who fully accept you for all that you are and for all that they believe you to further become.

My best friend Tracy and I at my birthday in February. This photo makes me so happy, I love her.

March

You don't always have to do what everyone else is doing. Listen to your heart and body intelligence. Allow your intuition to guide you. Sometimes you may have to delve deeper but more often than not, your actions need not an explanation. Your soul knows what's best for you. Nobody is you; no one thinks your thoughts, harbours your emotions or experiences your bliss and pain, thus, nobody can choose; only you.

Exploring new places and embracing new adventures in March.

April

The constant tummy pains and anxious heart is your soul screaming out under its repression. I wish you could realise that you aren't meant to nor deserve to feel this way. You're so lost and scared and so you're gripping at anything to make you feel safe again, to make you feel wanted, cared for, appreciated, noticed...to feel anything. No exterior thing will ever give you that feeling of satiety and safety, you must reach and look within. You harbour all of the love you need and only you can grant yourself the permission to be truly and authentically you. Within you there is an endless fountain of love, an overflowing stream of peace and a perpetual light of hope. Like a treasure hunt, you must first reach difficult emotional milestones and overcome necessary, yet often painful, challenges before you can attain of the glimmering gold. I am sorry you are in this fog but I think its clearing will teach you something about yourself.

April sunsets.

May

A band aid will never heal an aching wound. I have tummy pains thinking of you here, I feel so sorry for you. In a few years time you will look back and hopefully realise that there was no need to hate yourself so much for who you were then. It's a few months later and I think you hate her even more now. Loathing the past will not change it. Not pretty enough, not kind enough, not smart enough, not lovely enough, not strong enough, too fat, too short, too silly, too drunk, too sober, hair too flat, nose too crooked, skin too pale, voice too high, clothes too plain, personality too boring...anything I missed? Perfectionism is the root of despair. You dislike the fact that you aren't living up to your own ideals of perfection but that is something you have to remember, these are your own ideals, probably set all too high and all too unrealistic. I'm beginning to think that you will never ever ever feel enough Lauren, and, if you do achieve 'perfection' in certain segments, another area of lack in your life will come to head. Growth is a process. Perfectionism is the enemy of progress and peace. Someday you will allow yourself to be perfectly imperfect, but for now, just try your best to forgive all that you are not and relish in all that you are.

Graduated with my best friends in May!

June

Having your beliefs broken will become the initial shards that begin to crack your heart, yet, it still won't hurt as much as when it shatters completely. Hope can sometimes be a dangerous thing for a girl like you (hey there Lana Del Rey heheh). Your naivety will always conquer your logic and that's ok, I now believe it is something to be admired. I wish I could say to prepare yourself, to place value in the warning signs, to put yourself first and to run, but, if you skipped straight to the sunshine then you will never get to experience the hail, and, the rainbows. Both will help you to grow and to strengthen. It's an experience. Life is all about the black and the white for everyone; the light and the dark, the love and the loss.

Beautiful Bulgarian sunsets in June.

July

Let the summer wind sweep away all worries, allow the sun to melt away all troubles. Have fun and enjoy these beautiful new moments. Watch how the waves crash to the shore without apology or planned execution. Embrace the power of anonymity, you can be whoever you want to be; you can be you. Allow the foreign home birds to teach you the art of being lost in confidence, safe in the escape of knowing you can not be found. Times can change but the memories will never. You are young, you are free, enjoy this fairy tale. The wicked witches will always waver but that doesn't mean you can't embrace your sweet time as a princess. This isn't true magic, not even close, but this is the beginning of you realising that it's out there. Just you wait until you are enchanted, a queen without a monster insight.

Ticked the beautiful Croatia off my bucket list in July.

August

Be proud of yourself, allow yourself to be celebrated by both others and yourself. Smile. You don't have to be so modest. Take it all in. Be happy and try not to move on to the next goal of which you feel needs to be reached all too quickly. Wallow in the greatness that is your own personal definition of success. You actually do warrant it, you deserve good things and it's about time you begin to believe that!

 My dream came true in August.

September

Your heart will feel ripped to shreds but it will also stitch back together again. You'll giggle looking back at this time, you will heal! You don't have to keep putting on a brave strong face; you're allowed to feel this pain. I know all you want to do is run back to the agony that you know. Yes, further starvation will give you a sense of control over the ache but it won't solve anything. You have to feel this, no running away. This is a universal human suffering. This is a hurt only time can heal. 

October

Let go and have fun. Feel what it's like to be a teenager in college; young and free and full of spontaneous uncertainty. Surprise yourself and try something new. What if the true you is the girl who goes out every night of the week or maybe she prefers sunrise yoga and nighttime journaling in solitude...or perhaps both! I know you feel scared and uncomfortable but force yourself out of your comfort zone; that's where the magic happens and where real life lives.

My beautiful sister Leah graduated in October. I am so proud of her. She inspires me every single moment.

November

You feel like you're being swept by a current, unable to swim against the water's tide, unable to navigate your own flow. You are going through the motions and sometimes that's just what you have to do; a survival mechanism. It is a sign that you are out of touch with your true self; your own wants, needs and values. It's ok to be too scared to process everything. If ignoring the pain is what you need to do right now to persevere in the real world then that is ok, but do not expect to feel ok in doing so. There is always a trade off. To function so well externally in such circumstances must mean that internally you feel lost at sea. I know it's a horrible sensation, feeling so separated from your own mind and true self, but you won't feel like this forever. Just keep going for now, once this semester is over, you can bravely feel and confront all of the unprocessed thoughts tucked away deeply in the crevasses of your mind.

In November, Berlin taught me that there is a place for everyone in this world..if you can't fit in, move here hehe!

December

It's time to put yourself first. Please stop wondering and worrying. This is the last December I allow you to feel so full of self hatred! Nobody sees you the way you see yourself. Imagine if you felt about yourself the way others feel about you. You could be unstoppable and maybe that's what scares you. Maybe it's not your darkness but the fear of just how bright you could truly glow, if you allowed yourself to, that terrifies you. What do you want to do? Who is it that you want to be? What way is it that you want to feel? 'Decide what kind of life you actually want. Then say no to everything that isn’t that.' Be patient, I truly believe your time is coming but that means that you have to blindly embrace your true self and ignore all of which negates that. 

This beautiful magical soul can never not make me giggle and smile, I love you Eimear! A December snippet of love, smiles and drunken fun. I look like a thumb but trying not to care lol...if you can't laugh at yourself then what can you do!

If you could give the beautiful pre-2018 version of you some advice what would you say? Feel free to let me know in the comments below (it makes my day getting such kind lovely messages from you, it means the world that these posts are helping people). I hope this year was a year of growth love and happiness for you. 

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I hope you enjoyed!

lots of love & peace & happiness

With Yourself

Hello my lovelies! I'm sorry it has been so so long. I hope you understand but the leaving cert and life in general has made writing so difficult. I am so so excited for summer to be able to create and share so many new ideas with you all. The season of love is here and whether you celebrated it by yourself or with your bae, I hope you had a truly lovely Valentine's Day! The past few days got me thinking about love and how we struggle to give it to ourselves. The journey to loving oneself is different for everyone, some have arrived at the self obsessed stage while others, including myself, are still crawling towards self toleration, heheh we'll get there! Here are some ways which I have found help me treat myself with a little more kindness and care. I hope they help you too, you deserve it.

'You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.' 

Think Love

'What we think, we become'. Our thoughts can have such a profound impact on how we view ourselves and how we feel internally. It is hard to believe that we have complete and absolute control over every single one of the 60,000 thoughts that enter our heads each day. You can choose to think harmful, degrading, critical thoughts or you can choose to think uplifting, inspiring, compassionate thoughts. Our thoughts create our reality therefor wouldn't we all continuously choose to think love rather than hate? Having absolute power over what plays through your mind is really really hard, even mindfulness masters like Eckart Tolle and the Dalai Lama still confront their mind's monsters. There are various ways in which we can help our minds to think more lovelier thoughts. Mindfulness plays such a vital role in helping us to silently observe our thoughts rather than directly engage with them. A method which is a little less mentally demanding is positive affirmations. I must admit I did feel slightly crazy when I started to do this but deciding to include self-love affirmations into my morning routine has had such a positive impact on my journey towards self acceptance. I listen to this and this while doing my yoga or while getting ready for the day ahead and while it is a little different it honestly makes such a lovely difference! Regular practice of positive affirmations has been proven to subconsciously program our minds in the directions of which we choose...so if you want to become a millionaire watch this hehe. Other ways you can help train your brain to cherish instead of chide yourself is through reading uplifting loving quotes, listening to positive self love inducing music and through proclaiming something you love about yourself each and every day!

Practice Love

Let your actions speak your words. Try treating yourself like you would a little child. The voices of 'you don't deserve this' may get louder as you do this but a wise woman once told me to just do, despite all of the niggling feelings of 'not enough', 'not worthy', just do...and let the mind catch up later! Maybe it won't ever catch up but at least you may get a relaxing bath or bunch of flowers out of it hehe! Aside from the basics of treating your body with nourishing food and water, energising it with movement and relaxing it with rest and sleep, you also deserve to treat yourself. Devote time to you, celebrate your existence and how far you have come. You've survived every single day up until this very moment and that is something to be happy about. I wrote more about this in my previous post. Perhaps you could carry out an audit of what lowers your ability to love yourself. Personally, I could spend hours scrolling through Instagram and Facebook, comparing and despairing, it turns the love self love down so low that all that is left is the booming thoughts of self hate. Clear out your social media closet; unfollow, unsubscribe and delete anything and anyone who makes you feel even the slightest bit bad about yourself. Of course this isn't easy, being unfollowed by a friend on social media these days is the equivalent of being punched in the tummy. However, I know I would cry at the thought of anyone negatively comparing themselves to me, therefor you have to weigh up the consequences of hurting someones feelings for a few moments or continuously infinitely hurting your own. Ask your true self, 'what do I want right now and what do I need right now?'. What you may want to do is sit around and watch Netflix which will give you short term satisfaction but a long term sense of self disgust, however, what you may need to do is go for a shower, read a book and catch up with a friend. Practice makes perfect, the more you do the love the more you'll feel the love.

Feel Love 

I really believe that we can only know true love if we have the beauty of being able to experience it. Connect with those who you love and of whom love you. I realised my ability to tolerate myself increases dramatically when I am sharing moments and creating memories with those I love the most. Spend time with the people who make you feel safe, secure, worthy, loved and perfectly imperfect as you perfectly are. The more you see the good in others, the more you will establish the good in yourself. In the process of showing your affection for others and through watching them marvel over you, you may just learn how to send a little bit of it towards yourself. For the days when physically connecting isn't feasible; send a text, make a call or if you're old fashioned print off some pictures with your favourite people and most memorable times together (I do this in my diary and it never fails to make the love bugs come crawling)! 

See Love 

'If only you could sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourself that you leave at every meeting with another person'. Something that my beautiful sister always tells me is to 'focus on the facts'. It can be easy to become swept away by the torment of the paranoid fear monsters in our minds...they focus on our negatives, highlight  our flaws and magnify our weaknesses. But what if we could transform that fear into love by amplifying our strengths, emphasising our good qualities and enhancing our stunning unique traits? Become your own biggest fan, the Kanye to your very own Kanye! See all of your beauty and remind yourself that you are a good person. Every time you recognise something seemingly bad within yourself counteract it with three good true things. Next time a really horrible self critical thought comes into your head, instead of immediately assuming it as truth, try and question the thought. Ask it on what facts it is basing its information on, try and wonder if it is stemming from fear and irrationality or reality and truth. Every time you look in the mirror and are drawn to your thighs or your hips or your wrists, (who knows..we all have the most ridiculous of insecurities heheh), try drawing your eyes to your pretty little freckles, your strong capable hands, your glistening magical eyes. You are beautiful and worthy inside and out, it's time you get to see it.

Be Love 

'The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it's your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who's not full of hate, who's able to smile and be carefree. So that's who I have to be. I have to be love.'

love you

How do you cultivate self love? Feel free to let me know in the comments below or anonymously in the ASK section of my blog (it makes my day getting such kind lovely messages from you, it means the world that these posts are helping people). I hope this post helps you fall in love with the most important person in this world, YOU!  Click here to subscribe to my newsletter for updates on new blog posts. I hope you enjoyed!

lots of love & peace & happiness


Lauren x

The Recipe For Happiness

'When navigating wellness, wholeness, fullness, and vitality, it really all equates to simple and ongoing nourishment, and nourishment is essentially the quickest route to a greater understanding of ourselves, which leads to greater understanding of all other things.'

happiness is...

Carbohydrates

Perhaps the most overlooked element to every being, it's only when we are lacking in the pastas and potatoes of life do we realise just how vital they are to our existence. These are the building blocks that provide the essential foundation on which our happiness can be built; the basics we need for human survival. Do you have a comfortable and safe living space? Are you sleeping properly? Have you fed and watered yourself well today? Do you have access to clean, fresh air? Are you clean, rested and maintaining good hygiene? Hopefully you are already satisfying these basic needs or maybe there's a little something that needs working on. Perhaps the reason you always seem to feel irritable and down until lunch time is because you stayed up until 4am watching Netflix (we're all guilty heheh). How can we expect our selves to reach the peak of prosperity if we aren't even fully awake to do so? Start with the basics and the rest will slowly fall into place.

Protein

It fills us up and helps us grow, makes us stronger and helps to protect us from pain; it is essential to our existence. This is the love, the friendship, the common bonds, the laughter, the shared connection, the smiles. The longing for affection, acceptance and a sense of belonging have been scientifically proven as an intrinsic part of survival for every mammal on this earth; even that little bird outside your window is craving a cute companion to glide the skies with. A person whom you can share your highest of highs and lowest of lows, reveal your deepest thoughts, share the most magical experiences and create the most beautiful memories with. We all need someone; a love, a friend, a neighbour or maybe even a cat heheh. As strong as you feel and as complete as you may be, we all need to be able to give, receive and share love.

Fruit and Veggies

'The idea is to live your life in a way that makes you feel lit up. Alive. Full fledged. Beautiful. Know and find what nourishes you inside out, bones to skin and then build your world from that alone. All else is not part of your revolution. Or your ultimate evolution'. They nourish our soul, kindle our spirit and alight our senses. These are the things which truly set our hearts alight. Painting, reading, singing, gardening, gaming, skipping, Netflix-ing...anything can be your passion if it helps to fulfil your purpose. Maybe you are still exploring the elements and discovering the perfect combination of vitamins and minerals which will enable you to flourish. There is something out there for everyone, keep trying new things! If you are aware of what makes you feel good, it is important to love and respect yourself enough to carve out time in your life for this passion. After all, if you want to give light to others you have to be able to glow first.

Sugar and Spice

'I don’t think existence wants you to be serious. I have not seen a serious tree. I have not seen a serious bird. I have not seen a serious sunrise. I have not seen a serious starry night. It seems they are all laughing in their own ways, dancing in their own ways. We may not understand it, but there is a subtle feeling that the whole existence is a celebration.' Spice up your life! I'm still learning that all work and no play leads to a life of which one may be content with, but, personally I find a little bit bland. Sometimes you need a daring wonder and a magical wander to cleanse the taste of normality from your buds. Party with your friends on a Monday night, take a spontaneous midnight adventure to the beach, travel to Iceland and view the northern lights, surprise your friend with her favourite flowers, tell someone you love them, do something fun to sweeten your spirit. 

Water...or Wine

The very one thing our bodies are incomplete without, the essence of our being whether you have nothing or everything; hope. Writing this reminded me of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, where at the very top lies the final but forever unattainable need, the one of which we will never fully reach but keeps pushing us further towards greater heights of bliss; self actualisation. The drive to chase your goals and fulfil your dreams. The will to explore your tastes and unravel your mind. The innate belief that you can change, grow, evolve, wonder. 

'When we nourish ourselves with good people, projects, surroundings, scenery, love, magic, beauty and self-care, we radiate light into the world and continually sharpen our vision, perception, and clarity all at once. This in turn spreads to other beings which then spreads to more. Remember that one tiny drop can raise an ocean. Keep wanting. Desiring. Doing. Breathing in the sweet things.'

What nourishes your soul? What do you need to fill your belly and satiate your heart? Feel free to let me know in the comments below or anonymously in the ASK section of my blog (it makes my day getting such kind lovely messages from you, it means the world that these posts are helping people). I hope this post gave you a deeper understanding on the role you can play in creating and cultivating the happiest and most successful version of you.  Click here to subscribe to my newsletter for updates on new blog posts. I hope you enjoyed!

lots of love & peace & happiness


Lauren x