Compassion
Compassion is defined as 'a basic kindness with deep awareness of the suffering of oneself and of other living things, coupled with the wish and effort to relieve it'. It sounds so eloquent and simple but it is perhaps one of the most deceptive attributes out there. We love to be called compassionate beings; it evokes a personal sense of care, love and thoughtfulness. I used to thrive on the idea of being a compassionate human until a few months ago when someone sat me down and said, 'Lauren, as a compassion training expert, you are the least compassionate person I have ever met'. I started crying, it sounded horrific, I hated myself until she continued, 'You give and give and give to anyone but yourself and on top of that you refuse to take...you simply can not pour from an empty cup. In fact you are a compassion fatigued poster girl. In order to be a truly compassionate person you must learn to be open and accepting of help from others while also willing to be kind towards yourself'.
If you're like me then you are now probably thinking, 'What's the point in being compassionate towards myself?! Why burden others and receive their grace?! I don't deserve kindness. I must give and never receive'. These are called 'blocks' towards compassion and are something which every human struggles with. Compassion is not a luxury, it is a necessity for human survival. One of my favourite teachers, Deepak Chopra, wrote that compassion is in fact an intrinsic part of our basic human nature and functioning, we need it. But how can we tap into our inner compassionate selves and what can we do to grow that beautiful humane part of us?
'If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.'
Giving
Expressing empathy and care is perhaps one of the simplest ways to access our compassionate roots although similarly others may find this their biggest problem area, it's completely subjective. Have you ever held someone's hand as they cried, given spare change to a homeless man on the street or sent a thoughtful text to an upset friend? There are many roads one can travel to expand their compassionate self. Similar to random acts of kindness, these outward gestures of love will result in both you and others feeling emotionally stronger. They can be small and simple but hugely mighty and potent.
Receiving
Some people may find this easier than giving, but, allowing the inward flow of human tenderness is another route towards expanding your compassionate side. Allow yourself to be cared for when you are sick, hugged when you are sad, complimented when you achieve. If you struggle with this I have found a sneaky way of bypassing the 'I don't deserve compassion' feelings. Next time someone offers you a loving word or displays affection imagine how you would feel in their shoes if your response was, 'I'm fine...leave me alone...it's grand...there's nothing wrong with me...lol thanks but no thanks!'. You would feel awful, rejected, lonely and hurt if someone constantly shut out your kindness. Yes it may be a selfless back door route into activating your compassion receptors and I am sure I go against all teachings in saying 'receive compassion so you don't make the other person feel bad', but if it get's you accustomed to the act of accepting in love then why not!
Cultivating
The crux of compassion. We often hear the words, 'love yourself' and 'be kind to yourself', yet here we are all still so hard on ourselves. It's hard, it is really really hard. How do we train ourselves to be loving towards our own selves when we have been raised in a world that sensationalises altruism and selflessness yet somewhat shames self care and love? Similar to above, curating self compassion can be accessed through recognising the ways in which it benefits those that surround you; you'll be happier, more loving, kinder, healthier etc. But, what if we could be gracious towards ourselves just because? I challenge you to pick one loving activity that you will do for yourself every single day this week, just because. It doesn't have to be as grandeur as hugging yourself when you make a mistake, but if you can manage that, GO YOU! Perhaps you will treat yourself to the cinema on a Monday, run yourself a bubble bath on a Wednesday afternoon or wear your favourite 'special occasion' lipstick on a rainy work day. Why? Just because!
'Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive'.
Please let me know what self compassionate act you will choose to carry out every day this week! I am choosing to allow myself to listen to a self compassion meditation every night, I may feel that I don't deserve it but we ain't letting that stop us no more now are we?! I hope you enjoyed this post, feel free to ask me any questions or leave any blog requests anonymously in the ASK section of my blog or in the comments below. Click here to subscribe to my newsletter for updates on new blog posts.
lots of love & peace & happiness
Lauren x
0 comments